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Couples that need to tour together

Beyonce and Jay Z have announced their On The Run tour which will see the two travel the US together for the first time since they got together and became the tour de force of the music industry. Crazy and Drunk in love, the self-proclaimed Bonnie and Clyde ‘03 will likely deliver shows that make everybody feel that their current and future relationships are not worthwhile.

Following a well-trodden path laid out by Sonny and Cher and Ike and Tina Turner, Mr and Mrs. Carter are not the first couple to tour together and won’t be the last. We’ve compiled a list of a few couples we believe would make just as worthy tour buddies- for better or worse.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

Who better to rival the first couple of music than the President and the First Lady of the USA. While the pair are not specifically known for their music, each of them have proven ability. Barack infamously sang Let’s Stay Together before his 2012 re-election while Michelle is an avid dancer. Alongside Beyonce, she’s shaken her booty around the country with her Move Your Body fitness campaign and would be the perfect candidate to accompany Mr. President’s soulful crooning. With Barack’s final term in office coming to an end, they will need something else to do. George Bush turned to painting, the Obama’s can turn to Arena RnB.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

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Kimye on tour = dollar signs. West is a formidable, stadium rapper and Kim is, well, anything but. In 2011, she released a heavily auto-tuned debut called Jam but nothing has followed since. It’s time she re-lit that flare for music on stage with Yeezus. There would be a live rendition of Bound 2 while she would have to dance alongside Kanye rapping “My trophy on that Bound bike, I gave you only pipe / If people don’t hate then it won’t be right” in I Won. It would be awkward, arrogant and feature plenty of booty. Get me my Gold Meet ‘n’ Greet ticket now.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

If we can’t get a live duet of Something Stupid between Nicole and Robbie Williams then this will have to do. Nicole’s performance in Moulin Rouge had her belting from Parisian rooftops while Keith’s polite country tang caters for the daggy Mum in everybody. We imagine the Urban Nicole tour being produced by Baz Luhrmann and landing somewhere between a country hoedown and Bewitched. If it didn’t end with an encore including Islands in the Stream, then everyone would be handed refunds.

EDIT: Our prayers were answered. Amazing.

Rihanna and Drake

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

We haven’t read Perez Hilton of late but last we heard these two were dating. Rihanna has already toured with Chris Brown so a joint tour would be the best way to consummate their new found love. They’ve already featured alongside each other on Take Care and What’s My Name, so a joint set list wouldn’t be a stretch. Rihanna could stand next to Drake during his set and hand him tissues as he wallows in self-pity about how he started from the bottom AKA. Degrassi.

Calvin Harris and Rita Ora

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

This is very scarily a possibility. The dance king and pop princess worked together on Rita’s latest single, I Will Never Let You Down, which would probably be the name of the tour, just to reassure people that they’re committed. Harris would pump out pulsating beats while Rita would try her best to sing Rihanna’s part in We Found Love before realising that she’s still a good girl, caught in the awkward phase before the good girl goes bad. #badgalriri

Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

Muse frontman, Bellamy, is no stranger to Arena rock. Kate however, although used to the bright lights, is a less than competent musician. That’s exactly why this has to happen. She last tried her hand at singing in the film, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, proving that she’d be perfect for screeching the guitar riff of Knights of Cydonia or humming the piano line of Starlight. Given Muse’s self-indulgent Coachella performance, her version of You’re So Vein would be a perfect addition to the set.

Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne

Kermit Cintron vs Walter Mathysse

If this prediction comes true, then the(in)terns were the first to break the news of an impending apocalypse. Imagine Chad Kroeger’s concrete laden vocals alongside Avril’s bratty chanting and then imagine the two of them serenading each other at a piano to a lounge version of Sk8er Boi. It would be the worst thing to happen to audiences since Ke$ha toured with Pitbull, made even worse by the fact that there would be possible canoodling.