Rating Everything: Bruno Mars, ARIA Nominations, So Fresh And More

Written By Sam Murphy on 10/12/2016


Giving a star rating to things that’d probably be just fine without a star rating.

Solange’s A Seat At The Table Launch Party


So, this gets five stars for having one of the longest, illuminated table of all time but it also does because of the wider context. The rollout for A Seat At The Table has been nothing short of flawless. From the album announce and its release to the visuals and the book that was sent to 89 fans, it’s been subtle, careful and beautiful, just like the album itself. Everything has been so carefully considered by Solange and this launch party was just the cherry on the top. Peep some of the photos below and weep about not being there.

This Bruno Mars Gif


I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but when you film what happens and make it the video for the first single of your new album I’m not sure the same rule applies. This is some tacky, tasteless, Blurred Lines shit and I’m just not here for it. He looks like the creepy uncle at a party and the sad thing is, Bruno has the voice and charisma to do something really cool. Why waste it on throwaway stuff like this?

The ARIA Awards Best Dance Release Category


Thanks to Elizabeth Rose for pointing out the testosterone levels in this category at the ARIA Awards. Firstly, there are some genuinely great records in here but it’s a massive oversight to only nominate guys, particularly in a category that already has such a problem with sexism. Girls like Nina Las Vegas and Alison Wonderland have made excellent arguments this year as to why we need to stop asking what it’s like to be a girl in the EDM community. Basically because they’ve shown, unsurprisingly, that your gender has got nothing to do with the size of your drops.

In the past year Nina Las Vegas has started her own label and released, in our opinion, one of the best electronic EPs of the year, Elizabeth Rose dropped a stunning debut album Intra and Tkay Maidza effortlessly blended dance with hip-hop on multiple releases. C’mon ARIA.

Delta Goodrem Losing Best Cover At The ARIA Awards


Another important matter. In what world does the cover for Flume’s Skin beat a cover that has Delta Goodrem running with a large cat in a skirt that emulates the print of said cat? It’s the greatest cover since Lady Gaga’s Born This Way and yet it just got completely overlooked. It’s a sad week for all fans of great album artworks.

Disclaimer: said large cat because can’t quite identify what cat it is. Help would be appreciated.


DAWN’s Album Coming On A USB Necklace


If the single Renegades is anything to go by, you’re going to want to take DAWN‘s Redemption LP everywhere with you. So, DAWN has popped the album on a USB necklace so that it’s never far away from you (even though it’ll be on Spotify which will presumably be on you phone but anywayyyy, it’s a cool idea). If you don’t know what to do with a USB because you’ve grown up with Dropbox and Google Drive then you can just wear it. The point we’re trying to make is the album will be good and you should pre-order it with necklace or no necklace. Ok? Good, let’s move on.


Anderson .Paak On Ellen


The best live performer of the year. Full stop. He’s also got a great album called Malibu and now everyone in Ellen’s studio audience has a copy. Great.

So Fresh: The Hits Of Spring 2016


We honestly thought, these stopped as soon as they stopped becoming nostalgic to us but nope, they still exist. If I’m judging by my standards of what a good So Fresh is, I would rate it low because there’s no Shakira, The Calling or Nikki Webster but that’s probably a tad unfair so I’ll judge it solely on its content. There are some big missteps like opening with Katy Perry’s snoreathon Rise and including Meghan Trainor’s insufferable Me Too but there are some highlights. In fact, here’s a revised tracklist, all hits no shits:

1. Ariana Grande – Into You
2. MØ – Final Song
3. Britney Spears – Make Me

Great, that should only take you about 11 minutes to listen to now. Or you can try the whole 22 songs – almost as long as an Ellie Goulding album. Exhausting.