You’d be a fool to think a music festival like Splendour is all about the music. At best, music and seeing those bands you’ve handed over the dollars for make up about 50% of one’s festival experience. The rest of our happy pie chart is made of up of times spent waiting in long shower and toilet lines, pre-gaming, post-gaming, pitching and re-pitching tents, getting lost in the Teepee Forest, sitting for long, nonsensical hours at the Grill’d truck and, of course, deciding what festival trend you’re going to adopt over the weekend. While we can’t help you out with your collapsed tent or contrived, unique ways to sneak alcohol into the camping grounds, when it comes to fashion, we’ve got your back.
Click here to download the PDF of your very own Festival Paper Doll to cut and fold into your favourite fashion attire and scroll below for detailed descriptions. Try before you buy baby, try before you buy.
1) Short, Short Denim Shorts
Some people mistake Splendour in the Grass music festival for the Denim Diaper Convention that runs at the same time of year around Byron. Should you see any confused souls with denim so tightly wedged up their ass that it’s not longer covering their peachy-keen bum cheeks, kindly point them in the right direction. It’s up, through those trees and deep into the forest. Very deep.
2) Henna Tattoos
Like tattoos. But fake. So really, like designer mud. Like muddy designer stains on your hands to match the designer gumboots on your feet. Yippee.
3) Flower Garland
See our Coachella paper doll and then throw your floral monstrosity in the bin.
Because apparently one set of eyebrows isn’t enough these days. We’ve become greedy and now want a second set of glittery blue and gold dotted eyebrows a la Gwen Stefani in her No Doubt days, to compliment our own home-grown set.
5) Oversized Parka Jacket
Usually army green, you can find these at your local General Pants store masquerading as “recycled vintage” for triple the price. Mmmm bargain. They do have a distinct advantage of many pockets, however. Fill yours with hand sanitiser, toilet paper, ponchos, gum, and an emergency whistle. You know, for emergencies like finding yourself in the Teepee Forest alone.
6) Hunter Boots
Hunter Gumboots say “I’m rough, Im tough and ready to get muddy. But I also own a house at Palm Beach, play polo on the weekend and really don’t want to ruin my caviar pedicure.” If you are dishing out $100 plus for a pair of these wellies thinking you’ll immediately sprout legs as enviable as Sienna Miller or Kate Moss circa every Glastonbury for the past decade, go find a lost friend sporting reflective sunglasses and take a long hard look at your greeny self. You may want to seriously reconsider your priorities.
7) Reflector Sunglasses
These are sure-fire friend winners. When you’ve lost all your friends (as is inevitably going to happen at least once over the weekend), don a pair of these and watch, like moths to a flame, as girls flock to you to ensure their bindi eyebrows are still stuck on tight and their flower garlands blooming.
Splendour times are divided into two types of times: pre-poncho and post-poncho. Pre-poncho is a happy, mystical place where superfluous accoutrement reign supreme and you have clearly defined limbs.
Post-poncho, an equally, if not more important time, occurs about 8pm when the sun descends and all of a sudden hell freezes over. Bodies morph into water repellant blobs and acquire a strange swishing noise when they move. A word of warning, do not confuse the times. No one likes a poncho-less person post 8pm. Bring a couple.
9) Animal Beanie/Mittens
We get it, while flower garlands are pretty, those thorny roses don’t really send the right message when you just want to go all big ol’ bear hug on a new found friend.
Reach into the shallow depths of your mini backpack and whip out one of these bad boys. You’ve been carting it around all day, may as well get a half-assed bear hug out of it.
10) Mini Backpack
Usually made from an ironic vinyl material with a Dora The Explorer or Barney print, these would be entirely practical, if your oversized parka jacket wasnt so goddamn oversized and your mini backpack wasn’t so goddamn mini.
11) Hippie Bracelets
There will be moments when you’ve just had enough. Enough with noise, enough with lines, enough with people and, dear God, enough with your loved up, crusty friends who, after 3 days of a tactical shower-in-can hygiene regime, are beginning to smell.
Cue hippie bracelets. Stack these up to your elbows so, should you ever want a timeout, you can busy yourself pretending to untangle, re-tangle and colour code an abundance of Sportsgirl plastic beads.